Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash
“But you don’t look sick.”
Maybe it’s the raised eyebrow at work when you need to take sick time again this month. Maybe it’s the friends who think you are making excuses when you say you really don’t feel up for getting together. Or the voice in your own head, keeping score of everything you used to be able to do.
Living in a body that doesn’t cooperate is hard enough without having to constantly prove it. Pretending you don’t have a chronic condition doesn’t make it any easier to cope, and neither does pushing through until you crash. If you are looking for practical ways to cope, therapy for chronic pain and chronic illness can help. I offer it online for adults anywhere in California.
When the illness is only part of the burden
When you live with chronic pain or a chronic health condition, the illness itself is only part of the burden. There is also the grief for the body and the life you had, the guilt of canceling plans, the fatigue of managing appointments and medications, and the pressure to look “fine” for everyone else. Together we can work on pacing your energy and setting boundaries that protect your health. We can process the losses that come with illness, and reconnect with the parts of your life that are still very much yours.
There is also the loneliness that few people talk about: the way chronic illness quietly rearranges your relationships. Some people drift away. Others stay but don’t understand. You may find yourself managing everyone else’s feelings about your condition on top of the condition itself. Therapy is one hour where none of that is your job.
Grieving the body and life you had
One of the most important, and most overlooked, parts of coping with chronic illness is grief. Not grief for a person, but grief for your health, your plans, your identity, and the future you assumed you’d have. The career path that no longer fits. The activities that defined you. The version of yourself who didn’t have to think about energy as a budget.
This kind of grief is what clinicians call disenfranchised grief: a loss the people around you may not recognize as a loss at all. There is no visible and tangible thing that is missing, so the loss is invisible to everyone but you. So the grief goes underground, and often comes back out as anger, numbness, or a depression that doesn’t respond to being told to “think positive.”
How therapy helps with chronic pain and illness
Research has shown that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) help people cope better with a variety of health conditions, including chronic pain and chronic illness. Together we can find ways to cope when your health condition interferes with your daily life, and identify new strategies for managing your stress to keep symptoms to a minimum. Therapy won’t cure your health condition. What it can do is improve your quality of life and enjoyment.
In practice, that might look like learning to pace your energy instead of cycling between overdoing it and crashing, or untangling the guilt that comes with resting. Working with pain-related anxiety so flare-ups don’t spiral into panic, and figuring out, honestly, without toxic positivity, what a good life looks like in the body you have now.
Therapy that doesn’t cost you a commute
Getting to a weekly appointment may feel daunting: the drive, the parking, the waiting room, the flare-up afterward. Online therapy removes all of it. You meet with me from your couch, your bed on a hard day, wherever your body is comfortable, and a session on a flare day still counts. If your energy is a budget, therapy shouldn’t cost more of it than the hour itself. For this work, online therapy can be the perfect fit.
Online therapy for adults across California
I offer individual therapy online for adults anywhere in California. If your symptoms track with your menstrual cycle, I’ve written more about therapy for PMDD. If they’re tied to the menopause transition, you may want to read about therapy for menopause and perimenopause. Health challenges often overlap with reproductive life too. If that’s part of your story, you can read about my work with infertility, pregnancy loss, and pregnancy and postpartum.
Use the scheduling link below to book a free 15-minute consultation and see if we’re a good fit.
“When women take care of their health, they become their best friend.”
– Maya Angelou
