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Do people keep hinting you should be “over it” by now?
After a pregnancy loss, people may be supportive and encouraging for a little while. What about weeks or months later when everyone has expected you to “move on,” and you’re still feeling that deep ache of grief? Or when well meaning relatives and strangers ask when you’ll try again, but you still can’t face the idea of going through that all over again? What about when you were totally blindsided by the loss because you didn’t think you would be one of the statistics you read about when you are trying to conceive?
It doesn’t matter how early or late in the pregnancy the loss occurred, it still counts. It still hurts. And it takes time and support from someone who understands to heal.
Grief after pregnancy loss is real grief
Whether your loss was a miscarriage, stillbirth, ectopic pregnancy, abortion, or a termination for medical reasons, the grief that follows is real grief — even when the world around you doesn’t treat it that way. There is no bereavement leave for a miscarriage and no card aisle for a baby others never got to meet. That silence can leave you feeling isolated, ashamed, or wondering whether your pain is even “allowed.” It is.
Grief after pregnancy loss also tends to move in waves rather than a straight line. It can resurface around your due date, the anniversary of the loss, a friend’s baby shower, or a new pregnancy. Partners grieve too, and often differently. One of you may want to talk while the other goes quiet, which can add strain to a relationship at exactly the moment you most need each other. Therapy gives you a place where none of it has to be explained away or hurried.
How pregnancy loss therapy works
Using Narrative therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, together we can explore the story of your grief. Self-care often falls by the wayside when you’re grieving, so we can identify gentle strategies for helping you to take care of yourself. We can also look at the layers of your grief story including how it impacts your identity, your partner, your family and your goals for your future. Ultimately, we’ll find ways for you to live a satisfying and meaningful life in spite of the loss you experienced.
Pregnancy loss counseling online across California
I offer pregnancy loss counseling in person in secure online therapy for adults anywhere in California. If your loss is part of a longer struggle to conceive, you may also find it helpful to read about therapy for infertility. And if you are navigating a pregnancy after loss, my pregnancy and postpartum page describes support for that tender, often anxious season.
“A mother is never defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love that she holds in her heart.”
– Franchesca Cox
